Call from Lionsgate

I have been obsessing over getting a studio internship over the entire summer. I got called by a few places that seemed like they really liked me but when they never called me back I was pretty devastated. The thoughts running through my were, "I'm not good enough" "I'll never amount to much".

After all the reading I've been doing, I really let go of it, reassuring myself that I'm going to be okay no matter what happens. I have the motivation and ability to do whatever I want. And then I get the email from Lionsgate wanting to schedule an interview.

I felt so-so about this. I just got over it, I am going to be okay without that glorious internship and now they call me.

I decided to schedule the interview. I mean what the heck, this is what I (thought I) wanted. It would be stupid not to at least try. So today I had the interview and I got the position with what seemed like ease.

I am going to take this as the "universes'" way of pushing me in a direction and see where it goes. I'm excited and am going to try to continue to let go.

Teachers

I never really considered myself to "look up" to teachers necessarily. But I do know they have an affect on my thinking.

In my first class last night, the teacher kept saying things to the effect of, you can choose your profession but you can't choose the work that's give to you. That's the just the way it is. That is the real world and I'm training you for the real world. Etc. Etc. 

Usually I would think, "Nice! After this I'll be more prepared for the "real world". But after all the reading I've done the past couple of weeks, I felt like this is why people get stuck doing things they don't want to do. They settle for it because tons of people (not just teachers of course) tell them that this is "just how it is" or this is the "real world". 

It was the first time that I thought that teacher might be hindering their students abilities by saying things like this. 

Fixed or Growth?

So I just finished reading this book a few days ago

Mindset By Carol Dweck 

"Be in the right mindset" is something I've we've all heard a million times, but for some reason this book really clicked with me. 

It theory is that people can either be in a fixed or growth mindset. The fixed mindset is thinking that things are the way they are and to a certain degree, you can't really do anything to improve things. Now at first I was thinking, "This is stupid everyone knows that they can change the outcome of their lives if they work hard enough!" But I realized that I was thinking of it in the context of working hard at a job and being lazy instead of thinking maybe I can be great at math someday. Fixed is for example - "I am just not good at math." Which is actually something that I have thought time and time again throughout grade school high school and even now in college. I would sometimes think that I am just "not a numbers person" and I should try to work on my strengths than try to work on something that I just am not good at to begin with. 

Now growth mindset thinks of things as, "you can do anything." A person that wants to learn piano can be just as good as someone who's been a "prodigy" since they were 2. It just takes hard work and motivation. Being in the growth mindset open you up to all the possibilities of life. I could be good at math if I really worked at it. It's not a trait that is ingrained into me, it doesn't "run in the family". 

Another example that clicked is that fixed just expects success to be effortless while growth sees it as a learning process. I can see this because people have told me before, "Wow you are just naturally good at art. It's in your blood" or something to that nature. Maybe subconsciously I would start to think, "yea I am naturally good at art. I'm a right-brain kind of person".  When really I had been practicing for years. Maybe if I had been practicing doing math problems for year and hadn't already decided that I was just "bad at math", people would be telling me I'm just naturally good at that. = p 

"Never compare your insides to someone else's outsides." 

This quote also resonated with me because I often do this without even realizing it. You know every little mistake you make when you are doing say a project and often you only see the end point of others work. When I see a work of art that I think is amazing, I never really think, "She must have made a lot of mistakes to get there." I'm usually just thinking about how great she is and that I'll never get that good. 

Lastly, "The idea of trying and still failing is the worst fear of the fixed mindset." Showing people your effort can cast a shadow on your otherwise known "genius" ability and talent. 

Sometimes I have found myself thinking that this is a horrible thing. If I tried and failed I would look like an idiot so why try at all. Since I read this, I have been trying to let go of my fixed tendencies and grow the growth! 

Overall review of the book: 

This book was great!....but really repetitive. I recommend checking out your local library to see if they have it and reading the first couple of chapters and then skimming or reading what you like of the rest. Definitely worth getting!  7/10

Things Arn't Always What They Seem

I will start by saying:

I wanted to start this blog because I have issues just like everyone has issues. I have begun a "journey" to work through some of these issues and thought that maybe some of the things that work for me can work for others.

I am going to share anything and everything that I feel has helped me.

I also plan to use this blog as a sort of casual journal and therapy as I work through some of these issues.

Anxiety/Worry About Work and Money 

This is really just an intro to this topic. This is pretty broad and is something that has been ongoing in my life and I know will take a lot of work to get through it.

I have been feeling really anxious about not having a steady income job for a while now. Being a student, living at home with my parents still, I don't have say, a worry that I will be on the street if I can't pay a bills. Despite this, I have found myself, for the past couple of months, no past couple of years, obsessing and stressing about what job I'm going to have in the future and how I'm going to get there.

I would think that, "If only NBC would call me back for an interview" I can show them how hard of a worker I am and things in my life will finally be stable." When I got past the first round but never got a callback for the second I felt incredible disappointed and felt like I would never amount to anything.  This is just one example of the back and fourth that goes on pretty much in my daily life.

This book is by Derek Sivers called "Anything You Want". Now this book is not solely responsible for my changed state of mind but I definitely  recommend it to everyone. The picture link goes to his website that has linked me directly and indirectly to a wealth of great information.

After reading this, and a few other books I realized that I was looking in the wrong place. I have already been doing a lot of research and personal self help, but I plan to post each topic and see where things go.

If you care to know more about me, I am working on my profile right now! = D